Lanth's Announcements

I sharted today

flyingvien — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 22:20:50 GMT

I apparently sharted on the drive to work today and didn't notice till I took my first shit of the day. Fired the boxers down and noticed streaks of green in there, but pretty fresh. It didn't come from my dick, I know that.

But it was like green water. It looked like water and fucking algae, and it was all murky. Seriously had like ten of those kinda shits today and had to leave work.

Haha, I totally had "an accident." Is this my first old man moment of turning 30? I think so.

Oh well. My poop's funny at least. Everyone else's is gross.

Fartletting

flyingvien — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:57:02 GMT

I love farting.

I love pooping.

I don't however, love when I have to sit on the pot to fart.

I had really really bad gas yesterday, and my intestines felt like someone was dumping a pitcher of brown lettuce water into another pitcher, back and forth, all throughout my large intestine. Mixing that kind of volatility with bad gas is a shart waiting to happen. As fun as shitting your pants can be, I just wasn't in the mood. I was at Newman's and had to drive home, so I didn't want to marinate my hairy ass and boals in a shart sponge, and then have it seep into the Pontiac. While the Pontiac is a piece of shit, I don't want it smelling like one.

So rather than give myself a few more hemmorhoids by simultaneously pushing farts thru, yet keeping my sphincter tigher than an eight year old puss, I chose to sit down on the pot everytime I had to fart. It was safe, but it was annoying.

Although, I did fire off a massive fart on the pot that got Newman, Chia, and Lisa all laughing, despite me being in the bathroom with the door closed. That felt so fuckin' good. That was like an hour's worth of suppressed brown notes. You could consider it a fartletting, much like bloodletting is therapeutic to people.

Man, that was good.

So I don't get it.

flyingvien — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 22:51:45 GMT

What's the point of having friends on this site? Does it grant you special powers that a non-friend can't get? I dunno, seems pointless on this site. Not that any of you aren't worthy of real or e-friendship or anything. Just doesn't make sense.

In other news, I think I successfully lobbied our facilities manager to upgrade our bathroom and raise the urinal to levels that more appropriately suit an adult male. That's fantastic!

Buttfuckaroo

flyingvien — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:28:54 GMT

I'm a nose picker. Deal with it.