musician jokes revisited

Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room ?

They never know when to come in.

 

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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

 

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.

 

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What's the best way to confuse a drummer?

 

Put a sheet of music in front of him.

 

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How can you make a trombone sound like a french horn?

 

Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

 

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What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?

 

A drummer.

 

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Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?

 

So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

 

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Why is the French horn a divine instrument?

 

Because a man blows in it, but only God knows what comes out of it.

 

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What is the range of a piccolo?

 

Oh, about twenty yards on a good day.

 

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

None. They have a machine that does that now.

 

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How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?

 

The knock always speeds up.

 

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How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?

 

Shoot one.

 

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What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy?

 

You can tune a '57 Chevy.

 

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Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?

 

Yeah, it took two hours to get the drummer out.

What did little Johnny's mother tell him when he said "I want to be a trumpet player when I grow up?"

 

"But Johnny, you can't do both."

I overuse this joke, but I don't care. I love it.

 

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One hundred. One to actually do it; 99 to say that Neil Peart could have done it better.

 

 What do you do when a musician knocks on your door?

Give him 20 bucks and take the pizza.

 What were the word word said by the drummer before he was kicked out of the band?

"Hey guys, do you want to play one of my songs"

What's the difference between Big John Dickerson and an elk?

An elk has horns in the front and an asshole in the back.

 What's the worst party about playing a 5-string bass?

 

Telling your parents that you're gay.

chrishawn:

What's the best way to confuse a drummer?

 

Put a sheet of music in front of him.

 

 What's the best way to confuse a guitarist?

Put a sheet of music in front of him.

(gotta love how most guitarists think that playing from tab is reading music)

 Did you hear the one about the guitar player who locked his keys in his car?

Took 'em an hour to get the drummer out...

What do strippers do with their boyfriends while they are at work?

 

Drop them off at band practice.

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What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

 

Homeless

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What is the difference between a bass player and a pig?

 

At the end of the night, the pig doesn't try to fuck a bass player.