Firing your band mates/friends

So, what is the best way to let them go?  Those that dedicated all that time and energy, sleepless nights and future arthritis.  It seems like you might as well just say to them, well listen you totally suck and i'm looking forward to never talking to you again, because most of the time that is what happens anyway regardless of what we do actually say.  So, if something isn't working it shouldnt' it be obvious?  Unless you are a total jug head.  Right?  Either the music is not succeeding or the fans aren't coming out or someone is missing practice or ... whatever.  I have been fired b4 and one way was good and one was bad.  i will illustrate.

1. i showed up for practice and all my mates equipment and decoratives were gone.  no letter, no call.  actually they never called again.  found out word of mouth through a mutual friend the shit they were talkin and that they were trying out for a more prominant band to reach super star status.  uh, whatever. 

2. a band told me you're not the guy for us.  not the right fit as a player.  this totally worked for me.  they still called me and we still hung out.  no prob.  turns out, i totally wasn't the right fit.  but i went out and found my own niche. 

discuss... or not. i don't care either way as i have no mojo on this website.

 The best way I've found is to be professional as possible. 

Before you ever add or replace a member, make sure that the person is the best fit and NOT just the most quickest fix  also if you have reservations but still hire the person make sure they are aware of those reservations before they agree to join your band.

That all said, firing no matter what is not fun.  Most of the time people get booted from a band they see it coming.  Either they've been warned that their behavior is becoming a problem or you've warned them to learn the material.

If it's a performance isssue and not a attititude problem, I have heard some bands will actually hold auditions for that spot allowing the current member to be one of the people competing for the spot.

In all, surprises are never cool and everyone in a band should know where they stand and where they may need to improve and how they can help the other person.

 I think you answered the first question yourself.  Personally, I would go with option #2 if the guy was a decent human being.  I'd just tell him why I didn't think it was working and say we needed move on.  Provide only as much information as he asks for.  Otherwise, you'll pepper the guy with shit he did wrong for no reason and nobody needs that.  Stay cordial, yada yada yada...I guess I'd delegate one guy to talk to him instead of having the whole band sitting around avoiding eye contact and squirming while one dude talks anyway.

If he was a complete douchebag and I never wanted to talk to the guy again, there are several options...

I've fired too many friends. It sucks. But I've been lucky in that I'm still cool with everyone I/we've parted ways with. In one instance things were never the same, but the time period prior to that kind of determined that more than anything, but things are still cool.

Being a dick about it is only warranted if the reasons for dismissal involve them being a dick. Then it's just rewards, IMO.

 Honestly, it seems to depend on the person.  There have been situations where no matter HOW professional (and nice) you try to be, the "fired" person still takes it personally and makes it ugly.  That's usually a sign of immaturity...but regardless, it does happen.

I can honestly say, though, that it's been many, many, many years since I've been in a band where someone was fired.  Typically it's just been a meltdown of true band dynamics (personality-wise), and the entire band's dissolved. 

i miss civilian, is that what happened to them. i kinda thought their new stuff osunded all electronic and david bowie like but i guess i could be thinking of someone else.

I was pretty okay with how you fired me, SP. 

 i'm lame.  thanks though.  let me know as soon as you have a new project going.  i am very interested to see what comes up.  i would think something nice and heavy would suit you nicely.