Dear Prospective Employers...

Dear Prospective Employers,

After you and I have had our initial telephone conversation to discuss employment at your organization, if you find my salary expectations to be to high for your company to hire me, please DO NOT move me on to the next step in the interviewing process.  Further, after our face to face interview, if somehow you missed the fact that my salary expectations are too high for your organization to hire me during our first conversation, I have definitely made it clear by the end of this conversation, so please DO NOT move me on to the next step in the interviewing process.  Moreover, at this point, if you missed the fact that my salary expectations are too high for your company to employ me, you are a fucking idiot and that could be the only reason that you would waste my time by giving me an IQ test.  Finally, if, after taking your stupid test that you probably found online, I ask you "on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being that I will for sure move on to the next step in the interviewing process and 1 being that there is no chance I will be moving on to the next step in the interviewing process, where you would rate me at this point," and you tell me that I am "out of your price range," I reserve the right to take a shit on your desk.

Very Best Regards,

Newman  

Hell, just take a shit on their desk the first time.  You'll make an impression they'll never forget!

Newman:

Finally, if, after taking your stupid test that you probably found online, I ask you "on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being that I will for sure move on to the next step in the interviewing process and 1 being that there is no chance I will be moving on to the next step in the interviewing process, where you would rate me at this point," and you tell me that I am "out of your price range,"

Um... that was their polite way of telling you they didn't think you were worth what you thought you were.  I have little doubt that they would have paid someone they thought was worth it what you told them you were expecting otherwise they wouldn't have wasted their time interviewing you (I do sincerely believe they really didn't care about wasting your time).  Whether or not you are actually worth it I can't say, but they didn't think so.

Every job has a set salary range.  Why can't companies just disclose what that range is?  By not giving an indication of what they're willing to pay their just wasting the time of everyone all around.  Everyone could be saved a lot of pain in the ass-ness if companies would indicate salary ranges right in their advertisements OR if they see on my CV that I'm making 50k a year now, I'm probably not gonna work there for 30.

Newmie.  I feel your pain. 

NewUser:

Newman:

Finally, if, after taking your stupid test that you probably found online, I ask you "on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being that I will for sure move on to the next step in the interviewing process and 1 being that there is no chance I will be moving on to the next step in the interviewing process, where you would rate me at this point," and you tell me that I am "out of your price range,"

Um... that was their polite way of telling you they didn't think you were worth what you thought you were.  I have little doubt that they would have paid someone they thought was worth it what you told them you were expecting otherwise they wouldn't have wasted their time interviewing you (I do sincerely believe they really didn't care about wasting your time).  Whether or not you are actually worth it I can't say, but they didn't think so.

I really don't think that was the case.  It was one of the most bizarre interviews I have ever been on.  The guy would ask me a question, and I would start to answer it and I wouldn't even be close to finishing and he'd interject and ask some other question.  It was really weird.  This guy was probably the most unprepared and worst interviewers I have ever witnessed.

RockinChica78:

Every job has a set salary range.  Why can't companies just disclose what that range is?  By not giving an indication of what they're willing to pay their just wasting the time of everyone all around.  Everyone could be saved a lot of pain in the ass-ness if companies would indicate salary ranges right in their advertisements OR if they see on my CV that I'm making 50k a year now, I'm probably not gonna work there for 30.

Newmie.  I feel your pain. 

If the company has a salary range for a position, say between $40-50k, they tell the prespective employer that they want the 50k. Who doesn't want to make the most amount of money in the least amount of time? Maybe the person who makes 50k is qualified more than the person doing the same job making 40k.

 DUDE I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY PERSON CRAZY ENOUGH TO THREATEN TO DROP THE BOUNTY ON SOME GUYS DESK!

you are the (3rd) love of my life!

 

When I first scanned through this post, I read the last phrase as

I reserve the right to take a shit on your dick.

I'm not sure if that makes a statement about me, or about what I've come to expect to find on this site... but either way, it's not good.

RockinChica78:

Why can't companies just disclose what that range is?

I sit on the board of a non-profit.  We're hiring a new Executive Director, and we published a range.  Guess what all the applicants (including the insanely unqualified ones who listed the wrong employer in their cover letters) expect to make?

But this is what I don't understand... Say I say my price range is less than what they're prepared to pay, do I get what their price range is at, or do they just give me what I asked for?  I've always wondered about that, as back home they just tell you in the advertisement what they're prepared to pay depending on experience, and then you choose whether it's worth applying for or not. 

Caz, it's business. If they can get someone for $12 an hour vs $15 an hour - even if the range is $15-20, they are going to pay them $12. 

It depends what line of business you are in and how seasoned or "good" at your job you are and that can all be contributed to your work history and your resume.

If you have a Sixsigma Blackbelt, an MBA, well versed in SAP and Oracle and 10 serious of Project Management under your belt with references to not only back up your work history but also to speak on your behalf of the quality of your work....you can pretty much demand whatever the competitive salary is for the position you applied for.  It's these people who look at salary.com and use it as a tool to see what they are worth in different areas of the country.

The more impressive your resume the less likely you are in getting the apex of a salary or the job in general.

If you have no college education, a spotty work history (not fired but 1 yr here, 1 yr there etc..), no professional references from supervisors, no certifications in the field, no awards etc...you're lucky to get the job in the first place and have little room to negotiate.

Usually people will bring you in even if your expectations are a little high based on lack of substance in your resume.  If a recruiter looks at your resume and alone thinks you have over priced yourself they will try to bring you in at a lower salary.  That is their job, they're in the profession of judging worth based on resumes etc...

Then sometimes they will bring you in and interview you to see if the "worth" is there.  If not...they either offer you what they think you're worth or you get a letter in the mail. 

The best advice I can give anyone is to maintain a good employment history (just as important as a credit score), make sure you have a relationship with your supervisor so that if you ever do leave for whatever reason you know they will give you a proper reference.  Never stop educating yourself, go back to school and get a degree for complete a certification program.  Try and win awards at your current employer and volunteer for as many activiities as possible in order to add to your resume: training, mentoring, writing policy, leading seminars etc.....set yourself apart.

The more impressive your resume the more leverage you have with your current and future employers. 

Newman, why don't you just get a part-time job at Taco John's or something?

Two words: EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT.

You could hook me up with discounted deliciousness.

Dude, making money is bad.  It makes you a bad person.  You should join the Peace Corps or work at Wal-Mart and bitch all the time about how you're forced to be there.  That's the American way of handling this.

Anthony Michael Anthony:

When I first scanned through this post, I read the last phrase as

I reserve the right to take a shit on your dick.

I'm not sure if that makes a statement about me, or about what I've come to expect to find on this site... but either way, it's not good.

Definitely what you've come to expect from this site.  Strangely, not as interesting as taking a shit on someone's desk...I think it's that whole weird fetish vs. insanely funny thing.

 I've worked at my job virtually all of my twenties.

That's all.

Josh:

RockinChica78:

Why can't companies just disclose what that range is?

I sit on the board of a non-profit.  We're hiring a new Executive Director, and we published a range.  Guess what all the applicants (including the insanely unqualified ones who listed the wrong employer in their cover letters) expect to make?

 

I totally understand that Josh; we get people apply for jobs here that they are completely not qualified.  It's like they just see the salary and decide they want the job.  I guess it would be different if employers would divulge any information about compensation because I do think it wastes everyone's time.  Granted, I recognize that I am overpaid but I really don't want to bother applying for jobs that pay $5 less an hour than what I currently make.  $2? sure, but not $5.

Eh, I just like to complain.  That's the one thing union jobs have going for them - a defined salary schedule.

 

Okay, here's another thing that gets me...

Companies that want you to have a college degree and pay next to nothing.

I have only my associates and I wouldn't work somewhere for $15 and these places want someone with a bachelors?

You got me fucked up if you think I'm gonna spend 4 years and countless dollars going to school  so that I can make $15 an hour.

Though it sounds bad to only make $15/hour with a bachelors that actually pertains, usually to entry level positions. They aim those jobs usually at new grads that will do anything to get their foot in the door with a good company. Then they usually bump them up as they mold them into being the future of their company. Then again there are those companies that are just asking for too much.

RockinChica78:

Okay, here's another thing that gets me...

Companies that want you to have a college degree and pay next to nothing.

I have only my associates and I wouldn't work somewhere for $15 and these places want someone with a bachelors?

You got me fucked up if you think I'm gonna spend 4 years and countless dollars going to school  so that I can make $15 an hour.

 

Some thoughts at large: 

1) A degree means you can study and pass the tests. It doesn't mean you can actually DO the job you were supposedly trained for.

2) An "education" in this country means to stay in between the lines and don't think outside the box. If you give the professor an answer (even a better one than expected), often times it's "wrong". Don't be smarter than those who are attempting to teach you the "right way" of things or make them think outside the box.

2) You do not "NEED" a degree to be a secretary (I mean "Administrative Assistant") and yet some jobs ask for one.

3) Sometimes (but not all the time) having a degree will get your foot in the door, but also a good resume', experience, recommendations and connections  can do that as well.

4) I think for some things, a degree is a neccessary step (such as in the case of a doctor or a lawyer, who never stop learning new things in their field), but it's not the be-all-end-all that some people think it is or make it out to be.

5) $15 with a degree - even entry level - is a joke.  I make way more than that at my day job and I don't have some degree. Never needed one.

6)  I make more doing freelance computer work in one day tham some people do all week at their day job.

RoadieRon:

RockinChica78:

Okay, here's another thing that gets me...

Companies that want you to have a college degree and pay next to nothing.

I have only my associates and I wouldn't work somewhere for $15 and these places want someone with a bachelors?

You got me fucked up if you think I'm gonna spend 4 years and countless dollars going to school  so that I can make $15 an hour.

 

Some thoughts at large: 

1) A degree means you can study and pass the tests. It doesn't mean you can actually DO the job you were supposedly trained for.

2) An "education" in this country means to stay in between the lines and don't think outside the box. If you give the professor an answer (even a better one than expected), often times it's "wrong". Don't be smarter than those who are attempting to teach you the "right way" of things or make them think outside the box.

2) You do not "NEED" a degree to be a secretary (I mean "Administrative Assistant") and yet some jobs ask for one.

3) Sometimes (but not all the time) having a degree will get your foot in the door, but also a good resume', experience, recommendations and connections  can do that as well.

4) I think for some things, a degree is a neccessary step (such as in the case of a doctor or a lawyer, who never stop learning new things in their field), but it's not the be-all-end-all that some people think it is or make it out to be.

5) $15 with a degree - even entry level - is a joke.  I make way more than that at my day job and I don't have some degree. Never needed one.

6)  I make more doing freelance computer work in one day tham some people do all week at their day job.

 

Some thoughts at large:

1).  Clearly, you're an idiot.  Doctors and engineers don't need degrees.  Clearly passing tests doesn't mean that you're able to do anything.

2).  Yeah, you're right.  I think between the lines due to my education. You have clearly never talked to a professor.  If you're smart, they respect you.  If you're you, the don't.  For example, my advising professor seems to respect me even though we argue 90% of the time.  

3).  Yes, sometimes degree requirements are used as prereqs to jobs that don't require them.

4).  All of a sudden the need to pass tests is necessary, huh?  Go figure, when you're shit's on the line, all of a sudden tests are ok?

5).  Depends on your degree.  Oh, and I bet you don't. 

6).  Isn't your Ph.D in amp pushing, underwater west-coast cable wrapping, water fetching, setting up guitar worlds on the warm side of the stage, and pretending that you run tours enough, you condescending prick?