Bands- Give Me A Break!
I found this on a friend of mine's blog....thought I'd share it with you:
File Under: Give me a break! Hype, Touring, Shows, Gigs, Reviews and "We're in the Studio"
Bands, It's time to clean up your websites.
By Tommy Wiggins, musician
Item #1 HYPE
My current "give me a break" is bands that pump (a.k.a pimp) themselves up on their web sites, apparently believing that people will think that the band has accomplished more than it actually has. Be careful what you write, my dear bands. This is hyperbole.
According to the Microsoft dictionary (I was too lazy to consult the 20 pound unabridged one in the next room) hyperbole is "a deliberate and obvious exaggeration used for effect". In the entertainment industry, we call this Hype. No one really believes hype, do they???
BANDS: Stop insulting your readers on your MySpace pages with bullshit hype. I suggest that you strive for realistic bullshit instead of fantasy bullshit. It's akin to the fine line between sexy and sexist in This is Spinal Tap.
Item #2 “TOURING”
Touring is when you get in the van and bring your toothbrush, at least one change of clothes and do not get to sleep in your own bed for several days at a time. Sleepovers with fans do not count if they live in your town. That’s just regular rock and roll sex. A TOUR is when you travel to several cities in a short time span. An example of a short tour would be four cities in four days, i.e., Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Columbus, Dayton. That's a TOUR.
If your band plays in your hometown and maybe 50 miles beyond, you do not get to call it a tour. I repeat, you do not get to call it a tour. You are playing gigs. If you're a Cleveland band and you work the N.E. Ohio area (Cleveland, Akron, Canton and Youngstown), you are not "on tour". Is this sinking in yet? Remember the definition? It's because you get to sleep in your own bed that night, or at least could have if your good friends hadn’t taken your car keys away.
Item #3 When is it a SHOW?
Parlament Funkadelic was a SHOW. Bruce and the E Street Band is a SHOW. You don't have to have costumes or funny hats to play a show, but there needs to be a heck of a lot more than shoegazing going on, or it’s just a "GIG". We used to call them "CLUB DATES".
There's nothing to be ashamed of, my post MTV brethren. If your band plays a rotation of clubs and taverns, no matter how you spin it, you're a bar band playing "bar gigs". A gig is not a show. If you’ve only worked up 45 minutes of music and you’re “headlining” a five-band lineup and the house soundman/woman makes more money than your entire band does, besides not being smart, you are in a bar band. It’s ok being a bar band. Get over it. Playing for free when the bar keeps all the money is another matter for another rant.
Item #4 REVIEWS
A review is a positive or negative critique of the band by a recognized media source. A mention that the band will be performing at the "Ajax Tavern" next Saturday night is NOT A REVIEW, and should be on the band's NEWS page, not the REVIEWS or PRESS page.
And last but not least, Item #5 WE'RE "IN THE STUDIO"
When say you're "in the studio", are you REALLY in the studio?" It's great that low cost digital technology has put creative tools in every musician's hands so we can record our music. But is a little bitty 2 channel interface with crappy-sounding mic preamps (with parts that cost the manufacturer about a dollar) connected to your laptop in your bedroom REALLY the same as working in a REAL recording studio with REAL gear and REAL mic preamps that cost five hundred bucks a pop? If you can't hear the difference you don't get to vote, because there's only one answer. Just don't pretend it's the same, ok?
That’s today’s rant, kids… all in the interest of HONEST media manipulation.